1) ONE LINERS

1.       Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, intelligent, caring, understanding, economical and a good cook.  But unfortunately the law allows only one wife.

2.       The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of a new car.

3.       Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

4.       Do not marry a person that you know that you can live with; only marry someone that you cannot live without.

5.       One woman's hobby is another woman's hubby.

6.       It's what people don't know about each other that makes them such good friends.

7.       If you can't get a lawyer who knows the law, get one who knows the judge.

8.       Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.

9.       A man is incomplete until he is married.  After that, he is finished.

10.   I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.

11.   When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

12.   We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife.

13.   Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

14.   Marriage is like a cage; those outside are desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out.

15.   By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher... and that is a good thing for any man.

16.   A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.  A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

17.   Marriage is a 3-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.

18.   Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss.  Therefore

19.   Marriage is not a word, it is a sentence -  A Life Sentence!!

20.   Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

21.   Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.

22.   I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

23.   If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

24.   The 4 food groups after one gets married:  Fast, frozen, instant and microwave.